No running in the halls, unless you're being chased by a ghost – in that case, please run faster.

Guests caught snoring loudly will be provided with a complimentary set of earplugs.

Attempting to sneak pets into the hotel will result in said pets being promoted to the official hotel mascot.

The mini bar is not a buffet – please resist the temptation to test this theory.

No diving in the pool, especially if you're over the age of 10 and lacking in grace.

Any guest caught sleepwalking will be redirected back to their room with a complimentary wake-up call.

The hotel spa does not offer exorcisms – please leave your possessed belongings in your room.

Please refrain from feeding the hotel plants after midnight.

Smoking is strictly prohibited in all areas of the hotel, except for designated smoking areas such as the rooftop chimney.

We reserve the right to change the Wi-Fi password at any time for our own amusement – good luck trying to keep up.